There are a lot of great ways to be a lesbian, and I’m happy to tell you all about them, but the #1 most important way to be a lesbian is what I’m going to tell you about first. And it’s right in the definition:
The best way to be a lesbian is to feel like the word “lesbian” fits your experience of identifying as a woman who falls in love with women.
You can be a lesbian and be friends with guys. You don’t have to hate guys in order to not want to fall in love with them.
You can be a lesbian and have long hair and wear feminine clothing and put on make-up.
You can be a lesbian and want to get married, move to the suburbs, and have 2.5 children.
You can be a lesbian and hang out with straight people.
You can be a lesbian and occasionally fall for a guy, but still feel like “lesbian” makes more sense to explain your experiences than “bisexual” or “pansexual”.
You can be a lesbian and watch straight rom-coms and root for the straight characters to live happily ever after.
You can be a lesbian and not actually like the book Annie on my Mind.
You can be a lesbian and get confused while trying to be the best possible ally to transgender, non-binary, asexual, and all the variety of LGBTQ+ people who have completely different experiences from yours but who you are really trying to figure out how to support because you’re all part of the Gay Alphabet.
You can be a lesbian and care deeply about Jesus, Judaism, Muslims, immigrants, people with disabilities, people with food allergies, people with eating disorders, vegans, or literally any other way to define other humans.
You can be a lesbian and be YOU.